I was enjoying time with Sadie. We were playing outside, cooking inside, and then Mama had to rest! So, we sit down on the couch.
Sadie thought it was fun to jump over my feet. She did this for a while and then would sit down on them and I would lift her up, pretending I was some piece of heavy equipment. She would laugh. It was a great memory.
Then, she came up on the couch and went beside me. I gave her a hug and kiss and then she jumped, unexpectedly, I think to try to make it over my belly like she was doing with my feet. A much larger expanse to travel! She ended up falling on my belly and her elbow came down really hard into my abdomen. It hurt. I started getting lightheaded and nauseous. Maybe it was just a coincidence.
I call my sister and my mom. I tell them what happened. They say to call the doctor just to be on the safe side and see what they say. Okay.
I call the doctor. They tell me I am to go directly to triage. Wonderful.
I have lots of mixed emotions here.
I am tired of going to the doctors but, since it is 36 weeks along, maybe they will tell me they want to deliver her. Then, I get to see her. But, what if it is too early. What if she isn't ready. What if by delivering her the chances of her surviving the ordeal is less and less.
So, what do I do?
I pray. It is all I can do. (I know some don't pray, and that is fine (I just hope I am not offending anyone) but for me, it is all I know how to do in stressful situations).
I pray that God will help the doctors decide what to do in the situation. I asked that I wouldn't have to decide and the doctors would just tell me what they have to do.
I organized childcare for Sadie, told Scott where I was heading, my sister came and took me to the hospital.
I arrived at the hospital where they hooked me up to monitors. I then find out that with any belly trauma they are supposed to monitor me for at least four hours. Um, what?!?!?! There have been studies that show that it takes up to four hours for the placenta to tear away from the wall of the uterus. So, I wait. I stay positive.
Four hours is a LONG time! I go in around three in the afternoon. I can never find anything on TV when I'm in a hospital. Maybe it is nerves or stress, I don't know.
The first hour comes and goes. I'm only allowed one person in the room at a time. So, my mom and sister take turns coming in. After awhile they say that Sadie can come in with my mom. The second hour passes and Scott shows up. Nice for him to finally show up! We discuss our plans for the night. I tell him that I have a feeling we aren't leaving this hospital with me pregnant. He snickers and tells me I have no idea what I'm talking about because he was expecting to go to the local market. Well, we'll see, I say.
The third hour passes. We go to three and a half hours. The doctor I've had says that a new doctor will be taking over and then I will be released.
Alright, only a half hour to go and things are looking good.
Then, her heartbeat starts slowing down. Oh great. It disappears.
Several triage nurses run in and try to find it. Finally, it slowly starts again. That half hour just got extended. She did this "neat" trick two more times.
After the second time of 'no heartbeat' I told Scott to be ready to get all my bags I packed for the hospital when he goes home. It is time. He doesn't believe me (he likes to be in denial a lot of the time).
The doctor comes in and instead of releasing me he lets out a sigh. That is never a good sign!
"Well, I think we are just going to take her tonight. Her heartrate has dropped three times now in the last hour. I'd rather err on the side of caution and take her out now instead of you coming in tomorrow with a dead baby."
I agree. I.AM.ELATED. This is a weird feeling because I should be worried, scared, anxious, fearful, etc etc etc. But, I'm not. I'm at peace knowing that soon my little baby that I've waited so long for will be here. I don't know what that means but at least I can see her on the outside instead of trying to figure out what her little body is doing inside.
At this point, they started pumping me with liquids, making me take stool softeners, and all that good stuff for a c-section. It wasn't until they started having me sign papers for anesthesia that I started worrying. I don't remember anyone telling me all the bad things that anesthesia can do to you, including death. I remember it vividly the second time around.
Each family member came in to wish me luck and to give me a hug and kiss before heading back to the operating room.
It was a long journey through the hallways to the operating room. I kept repeating this over and over.
This is it. This is what I've prayed for. He kept her alive for a reason. This is what I've waited for. This is what I have had to have faith to overcome. I will be able to see my baby girl soon. Please God, let everything be okay.
They opened the doors to the operating room and I knew I couldn't turn back. All the pain, suffering, stress, life altering changes were about to be made. The question remained, will I be able to walk out talking about my baby that is alive or my baby that I need to bury.
Twenty minutes stood between me and the fate of my little baby Faith. Twenty minutes seems like eternity.
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