Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The first week...


Those two hours seemed like a really, really long time! I talked with the nurse in recovery. She informed me that my baby was doing well and her Apgar scores were 5 and 9, so she was doing better than they thought she would. She said that the doctors may have been wrong.

I was ecstatic. I couldn't wait to see her again. 

I was wheeled into the NICU before ending up in my room. She was sitting on the warmer. She was content and so small compared to the receiving blanket that was tucked under her legs and around her body. It was like a little cocoon.

The nurse said she was doing well and wasn't requiring oxygen. I was able to hold her tiny little fingers in mine for a few minutes before they took me to my room, which happened to be on the other side of the hospital. I was told they wanted me to be able to hear the babies crying instead of being close to the NICU since they expected her to pass away. 

When I was able to get out of bed the next morning, I did. I was wheeled down to the NICU where I stayed by my baby's side. I held her, fed her (through a naso-gastric tube aka NG tube). I pumped every 4 hours. 

I didn't have much success with pumping at first but finally my milk came in and I was able to produce enough for Faith.

My visitors were non-existent. Even my husband didn't come in too much because his family was down from out-of-state. If I wasn't in the NICU, I was down in my hospital room by myself. The NICU nurses told me that I have to go and eat my food but I didn't want to. I wanted to be with my baby. I did go down, eventually, to eat my food but the empty room wasn't too inviting! 

They started taking tests on Faith. They did a test on her heart, they did a test to check to make sure she actually had a chromosomal defect, they did an ultrasound on her pelvic area to check the status of her kidneys, and all the other bloodwork that babies need.

The tests started coming back. Back then, all the medical terms were foreign to me. 

She actually had three holes in her heart. They gave her medicine to close up the one hole (which, thankfully, it did its job. We were then down to two holes in her heart. Okay, good.

The pelvic scan came back and instead of only one kidney, she had two kidneys but the left kidney was lower than normal but seemed to be working effectively. When I received this news, I remember that night being able to take a shower. I stood there in the shower and cried. I knew this was a miracle. I thanked God over and over again.

The bloodwork for the chromosomal abnormality came back. 2 out of 100 cells had the abnormality. They confirmed their earlier findings.

They did a scan of her brain. They said she was missing her corpus callosum.

I didn't know what all of this meant. I didn't know what the future would hold. The only thing I knew is that she was here and I loved her with all of my heart!


If before you were born, 
I could have gone to heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, 
I still would have chosen you... 
If God had told me, 
"This soul would one day need extra care and needs", 
I still would have chosen you. 
If he had told me, 
"This soul may make your heart bleed", 
I still would have chosen you. 
If He had told me, 
"This soul would make you question the depth of your faith", 
I still would have chosen you. 
If He had told me, 
"This soul would make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river", 
I still would have chosen you. 
If He had told me, 
"This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering", 
I still would have chosen you. 
If he had told me,
"All that you know to be normal would drastically change", 
I still would have chosen you. 
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, 
I know it was God who chose me for you.... 
By Terri Banish.